I don’t know what it is, but lately everyone seems to be “confused.” “Do I do this thing or that thing?” “Should I take that trip or not take the trip?” “Should I get into (whatever) job (I hate) or should I pursue my beloved creative endeavours?” “Should I break up with my boyfriend or try to make it work?”
“Should I quit now or quit later?” And then. “I’m just so confused.”
And it’s so funny because as I was talking to all these confused people all week, it turned out that they weren’t really confused at all. They all knew what they wanted, what was the “right” step, they knew the answer deep down, but they were having trouble accepting it . . . because it felt like the harder thing to do. They KNEW which way to go, but for one reason or the other, it felt like a tough decision, so they created “confusion” around it. And clung on to that “confusion” for dear life, using IT as the reason they couldn’t make that tough decision. You follow?
This happened to me this week as I was G-chatting with a dear coach friend of mine. My “confusion” was about a hunting trip. In Montana. In September. All by myself. Now . . . if you’ve been reading my blog at all since last year, this would seem like a no brainer. I mean a hunting trip in one of my favorite states in the country, fly-fishing, shotgun-shooting, quad-riding, horseback riding, gourmet/healthy food trip would seem like such a “Sally” trip. So much so that I actually felt like I might have manifested this trip to a T. But, although it’s everything I’ve been wanting, everything I’ve been loving, many activities that are on my bucket list, I still freaked out, and couldn’t make a decision. Even though I had the event website up on my tabs bar for two weeks, I couldn’t hit “buy.”
“I’m confused” I said. About what to do. “Do I really want to go?” “That’s a lot of money.” “What if I hate it?”
And the more I got coached and the more I looked inside, I realized I wasn’t actually confused at all. Confusion was not the emotion. It was fear . . . dressed in confusion’s clothing. It’s me creating chaos and drama to distract me from the fact that I already knew what I wanted, it was just that I was scared of it. Scared that I’d hate it. Scared that I’d love it. Scared that I wouldn’t be any good at it and feel embarrassed. Scared that I’d find out that this identity I’ve built for myself (rockstar cowgirl sharp shooter) isn’t actually who I am, and I’d feel like a liar, and then feel lost. Scared that the people on the trip would be lame and I’d be stuck with them. Scared of spending that much money on something that doesn’t “further my career or personal growth” (technically).
And ultimately, scared that I wasn’t going to be good enough.
Confusion wasn’t confusion. Confusion was my way of skirting a tough decision. One that (I think) will grow me, push my boundaries, and have me way out of my comfort zone, and have me face something I’ve been needing to face anyway. Deep down, my body knew all this.
I’ve thought this for a long time, but now I know it to be true. If you’re finding yourself “confused,” there is something inside you, your heart, your gut, your soul, that you KNOW. You know what’s best for you. You know the answers. You KNOW whether or not the guy you’re with is right for you. You KNOW whether or not you should leave your job. There’s a knowingness that you have about living your life of greatest fulfillment. You know what you want, deep down, you’re just afraid to accept this knowledge. You’re afraid to let yourself have it. You may have a decision you need to make, and the choice is not the point (because you already know the right one). The point is making the commitment to yourself to have the exact kind of life that you want. You see . . . we bring challenges into our lives to help grow us. The closer you are to your fulfillment, the bigger the challenges will feel.
So if you’re finding yourself “confused” or finding yourself needing to make a choice, remember that you know the answer already, it’s just a matter of having the courage to stand up for your best life. There ARE other fish in the sea. You CAN make money doing what you love. Where you’re living right now will be here if you decide that you hate the new place you move to.
And once you commit to your great life, amazing things will open up for you. Things you can’t possibly even dream up right now. And you only know this in retrospect. I know it’s scary, standing on this cliff, wondering what will happen when you jump. Imagining how scary it must be to fly. But once you decide that flying is what you’re meant to do, the jump will feel exciting, even amongst the scary moments. So go ahead. Jump. Make the decision. Buy the trip. Leave the relationship. Quit the job.
You already know what to do. And with that being said . . . I bought the ticket. I’m going on the hunting trip. Driving out to Montana all by myself, camping along the way. We’ll see how it goes. Undoubtedly . . . I’ll learn some things about myself.
What about you? What tough decision have you been skirting lately? What is it that you’re finding yourself confused about? Leave a comment on the blog. You’re not alone.
And if you’re not sure . . . try this: (Because what would an awesome lesson be without some homework? Let’s make it fun. Here’s something you can do if you’re finding yourself “confused”):
- Get out a piece of paper and write down every single thing you’re feeling confused about.
- Ask yourself . . . “What is it that I KNOW to be true?”
- Then ask yourself . . . ”If I believed that it was ok to have what I want . . . what would I do right now?”
- There are answers in these questions. What you do with them is the important part.
- Leave a comment on this blog with what you’ve discovered.
About the Author: Sally Hope is a renegade life coach, leader of the Wildheart Revolution, pun fanatic, hot-pink lipstick lover, country dancer, and Native Californian who now canoodles in Montana. In the past three years she’s lived in Costa Rica (while running her business from the beach), traveled across the country and back (twice) in a 34 foot RV (named Bessie Lou), while doing random acts of kindness and recording it for weekly episodes as Girls Gone Moto.